THE SONG: This one is about connectedness, disconnectedness, selfishness, self-imposed loneliness... the distance between two people... but more than anything it's about choice. How we choose to deal with all that stuff when things are intense.
It's about the tendency some of us have to self-protect when a certain kind of vulnerability emerges. When we don't feel safe, it's easy to recoil and disconnect. It's almost reflexive sometimes... so immediate and reactive that we forget there's a choice involved. I do anyway.
Most of us have heard about the concept of co-dependcy (i.e. "I need you to need me" syndrome)... that's when there's too much of an unhealthy kind of connection... in those cases a certain amount of disconnection is good. In other cases though, we run and hide.... disconnect.... out of fear, anger, or mistrust or whatever.
I was thinking about all of this... Feeling about all this... About how that choice we make to recognize what's going on inside of ourselves is so important... self awareness... the idea that we can be choosing a route that's totally against love and grace, without even realizing it. I've done it many times:( and it always ends up at bummerville.
The verse is about that protected and stoic feeling. The chorus is about the intense desire I have in those disconnected moments, to rise above and go toward love, grace and empathy... to rise above those reactive feelings, understand them, and attempt to overcome them and be better.
So, I guess I know why I wrote/recorded this, but I can barely remember exactly when and how. I just know it was sometime in the middle of the months we were working on the Cherri Bomb album at the end of 2011. Those were really busy times and I was juggling a lot of things; in my career and my personal life. Also. as an artist I needed badly to continue to express... and this song happened one night. I forgot about it until months later I ran across it on my hard drive. That's when I completed it. I'm glad it's coming out now... I hope you enjoy it.
THE RECORDING: It's weird to not have many memories of writing and recording this song. I vaguely recall little bits.... playing this drum groove, little moments of playing piano. playing the synth bass in verse two, the lead guitar before the outro chorus and those strings at the end.
I used these old thin trashy hi hats that were like $50 from guitar center... cheapo-trash cymbals that sound awesome. I played with a looser feel than I usually do, to give it a kind of plodding feeling. I like these sort thematic style drum parts... the 16th pattern on the hi-hat is fighting against the 8ths on the piano... just like my heart is fighting my mind in the lyrics. I like that. Was I thinking that at the time? Probably not. Those things emerge later. In the moment it's mostly following my gut. While checking with the ol' cranium along the way.
If you listen close, you can hear my finger nails on the old Steinway Upright piano, and the old hammers clacking. I record it with the top open and the mics just outside the top, so you can hear the room a little... I used Great River Mic Pres (Neve style) and two AKG 451s.
I've really been digging the way these synth bass combinations are working against such analog organic instruments... It's like there's this lush forest of trees and then underground, all the trees have mechanical roots with gears and pistons and steam and grease:) The lowend underworld... Like MAd Max meets Braveheart... haha... same actor! Anyways, I like those two things together... it feels like heart and mind as well. The warmth of the heart with the logic and mechanical qualities of the mind... hmmm...
There's a decent amount of the Massey TAPEHEAD plugin on various instruments at various settings... giving it that slight distortion gushiness.
Okay bye!
:)A