THE SONG: This song is kind of like the centerpiece for this new phase of my life and music. Centerpiece is putting it lightly. But don't let all that centerpiece business effect you hearing the song and just letting it be what it is to you. That'd be a shame... actually listen to the song first.... then if you're bored, read this.... okay, anyways, back to centerpieces:
Like the song "Murder Yesterday" was for my last album, it was this song that made me feels that burn to put something out. An album ish thing. That burn has to burn it's way through a lot of junk (self, doubt, lame idiot thinking, fear, pessimism about whether or not anyone will care etc.). Sometimes the burn just spoils stuff.... other times it burns off the junk and good things happen... I didn't think I'd be back here ready to put my music out... and being all happied up and excited to share it.
And now here I am writing this.
I had put myself in a bad place. I knew a cared too much about my need for writing recording and singing my own music. I know that sounds weird.... but I did.. I do... I care about the need itself, I care about it all... and I REALLY care about the connection part connecting first to myself then hopeful the song can go out and connect to like-minded like-hearted humans. So for me this need to create and connect.... well, it's on that short "basic survival essentials" list:
Air
Water
Food
Self-expression/connection
blah
blah
blah
The Lord should come above all of that... and He does... as much as I can muster... but, unfortunately I suck and I'm a big failure with the whole "priorities" thing sometimes. I"m working on it, though. Always and forever, Amen:)
All throughout 2011 I put a lot of energy into squashing my own dreams, while attempting to build new ones from scratch. Building Dreams can be tough work, as it turns out. The old ones never quite die... even when you write a whole album called "Murder Yesterday" in a partial attempt to kill some of them dead dead dead.... and then "oh?, what's that over there in the ashes?"... something survived.
So the fire is re-lit. It burns differently now. Less like a brush fire more like a oil-fire in a desert. Hotter than before, because it's controlled in ways it should be... and then completely out of control in other ways. I've never been more alive... more full of creative energy. Less full of pointless turmoil.... now it's just the turmoil with a point; my favorite kind:) The kind that I can only hope and pray comes from the guidance of the Lord to create something He can use for his purposes... love, grace...
I know a great young artist. She struggles with a lot of the same things I do.... yet in her own unique way. I witnessed this artist breakdown. I understood it. Empathized with it. All the stuff I was dealing with... in my own controlled way... started to come loose... the next day I started this song. I have her to thank for shaking a few bricks loose. For adding a spark to the tinder. Thank you.
THE RECORDING: This song started with two things; a gut feeling of being inspired... and hearing a beat on a fighters walkout music in the UFC! The backbeats of this groove had this huge blend of claps and snares and whatevers... like an angry mob was involved in this massive tribal/rock/hip-hop groove. I ran out into the studio and created my own version. I a layered real drums, some real drum samples... I clapped, I stomped, I hit some random things in the studio... distorted bits of it... left some things imperfect, put others right in the pocket... and made the kick as huge as I could.
Once I had the beat and the initial chords, I instantly knew what I was writing about; a combo plate... what had happened the day before with this artist was flickering in my mind... and when I thought about it more consciously I realized how much was going on in me with this subject of healing and reemerging from a feeling of being kind of broken and sort of numb inside. As I was writing this, I started to realize the chorus was in a key that didn't sound like I wanted it too in my full voice... I didn't want THAT much, or that KIND of intensity to be there... didn't want it to feel screamed..... I wanted a more legato intensity... so, I sang it in falsetto and doubled it... then doubled that an octave down (a few times) and then asked my wife Natalie to sing in full voice the octave up. I blended it all together and what you hear is this sort of eerie mini-choir effect.
This had become kinda my theme song for this new period of my life:) them song sounds little corny... it just means a lot to me... that's better:) Hope you like it. Crank it up... pump the air-shocks on your lowered El Camino, put your seat way back and nod along to it on the 5 freeway.